Fifty Shades of Beige–Not In My Backyard

by Master

It is most important, at the outset, to be very clear about what this blog is absolutely NOT about–Ebola in Charbonneau.  The last thing The French Prairie Muckraker wants is to be accused of adding to the hysteria gripping FOXNews watchers all around the country over this African disease.  Indeed, we will also not dwell on rumors that ISIS is plotting to overtake Charbonneau.  Anyone with a grain of sense has figured out the local objective of ISIS has been achieved with their recent capturing of Butteville.

But if you are one of the several Charbonnites planning to book a direct flight from the Aurora Airport to Monrovia, Liberia, for Thanksgiving, you had better pay attention.  The Ebola subject has not been totally ignored by local authorities.  The Clackamas County Board of Tea Party activists, aided by Ted Cruz, has been studying what we should do close to home. 

ebola-virus-inspection-areaFirst, of course, they say we must recognize it is all President Obama’s fault (he was born in Africa, was he not?).   Secondly, there will be an immediate travel ban on incoming direct flights originating in Liberia or Sierra Leone wanting to land at Aurora Airport.  You may, of course, still buy tickets for outward bound flights to those countries.  Ignore those spoil-sports who try to tell you that the only landings at Aurora are flights from Pendleton, Medford, and Astoria.  Thirdly, the Tea Party folks are soliciting our CCC Board to require a twenty-one day quarantine of some 900 Charbonneau residents who drove past the Aurora Airport in the last three weeks.  It is believed the quarantine could work if workers in hazmat suits could deliver five cases of wine (or ten boxes of wine, depending on preference) to each quarantined household.  The weather report includes lots of rainy days, anyway.

 A panel of self-proclaimed national experts on every subject matter conceivable is being put together to address the citizenry of Charbonneau about what level of panic to adopt.  The panic levels, as you know, are green, yellow, orange, red, or in the event of a stage telling us to ‘run for the hills’ –beige.  These experts are camera shy and publicity adverse, so getting them to the clubhouse will not be easy.   But so far there have been acceptances from the egomaniac segment of public-spirited experts–Donald Trump, Kim Kardashian, and John McCain.  Each have their own television networks and Twitter organizations.

        Let’s quit obsessing about Ebola and end with a health tip which we should really act upon–GET YOUR FLU SHOT!




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